"If you try your best to be the best parent you can be, you will have done all that a human being can do and all that God expects you to do."
- Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, “Because She Is a Mother”, General Conference, April 1997 , https://abn.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/1997/04/because-she-is-a-mother?lang=eng&abVersion=V02&abName=GLOB88
"Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles shared how Bishop Monson cared for the widows: “Many may know that young Bishop Monson took a week of his personal vacation time every Christmas season to visit all of those eighty-five widows in his ward. Many may not know that for the first several years the gift he would take them was one of the … hens raised and dressed out by him in his own poultry coops.”1
"Bishop Monson recalled how he helped an elderly couple who needed to paint their home: “In a moment of inspiration I called, not upon the elders quorum or upon volunteers to wield paint brushes, but rather, following the welfare handbook, upon the family members who lived in other areas. Four sons-in-law and four daughters took brushes in hand and participated in the project.”2 This inspiration helped the family reconnect and better care for each other."
- in "Ministering to Our Fellow Travelers," Liahona, Jul 2021, p. 37, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2021/07/come-follow-me/ministering-to-our-fellow-travelers?lang=eng
(Footnotes:
1. Jeffrey R. Holland, “President Thomas S. Monson: Man of Action, Man of Faith, Always ‘on the Lord’s Errand,’” Ensign, Feb. 1986, 12–13.
2. Thomas S. Monson, “The Bishop—Center Stage in Welfare,” Ensign, Nov. 1980, 89.
)
“Whatever thing a man sets his heart and his trust in most is his god, and if his god doesn’t also happen to be the true and living God of Israel, that man is laboring in idolatry.”
- President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) to Church members in 1976, quoted in Liahona, Aug 2021, page 27. https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2021/08/knowing-how-and-what-we-worship?lang=eng
"Nothing is more liberating, more ennobling, or more crucial to our individual progression than is a regular, daily focus on repentance. Repentance is not an event; it is a process. It is the key to happiness and peace of mind. When coupled with faith, repentance opens our access to the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ."
The Priesthood Is God’s Power
God blesses us through the power of the priesthood. Priesthood blessings are
available to everyone.
The priesthood is the power of God. He uses this power to bless all of His children
and to help them return to live with Him. God has given priesthood power to His
children on earth. With this power, priesthood leaders can lead the Church, and
priesthood holders can perform sacred ordinances, like baptism, that help us come
closer to God. Every man and woman who worthily receives priesthood ordinances
and keeps the covenants (sacred promises) has access to the power of God.
Priesthood Power Was Given to Joseph Smith
When Jesus Christ was on the earth, He led His Church with priesthood power. He
also gave this power to His Apostles. In the centuries after they died, many
members fell away from the Church. They incorrectly changed the gospel and the
way the Church worked. The priesthood of God was no longer on the earth. In
1829, Jesus sent John the Baptist and the Apostles Peter, James, and John to give
Joseph Smith the priesthood. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the
only organization on earth with this authority from God.
Keys of the Priesthood
Priesthood keys are the authority to direct the use of the priesthood, such as giving
permission to perform ordinances. Jesus Christ holds all the keys of the priesthood.
The President of the Church is the only person on earth who can use priesthood
keys to direct the whole Church. Under his direction, others can use certain keys to
do God’s work. Leaders such as bishops and stake presidents use priesthood keys
to lead in their wards and stakes. Because callings to serve come from leaders with
priesthood keys, men and women who serve in callings exercise priesthood
authority as they do their duties.
Melchizedek Priesthood and Aaronic Priesthood
The priesthood has two parts: the Melchizedek Priesthood and the Aaronic
Priesthood. Through the Melchizedek Priesthood, Church leaders direct all the
spiritual work of the Church, such as missionary and temple work. The Aaronic
Priesthood functions under the authority of the Melchizedek Priesthood. It is used
to perform ordinances such as baptism and the sacrament.
Blessings of the Priesthood
Through covenants and ordinances, God makes priesthood blessings available to
all of His children. These blessings include baptism, the gift of the Holy Ghost, the
sacrament, and temple ordinances. Men and women who are endowed in the
temple receive a gift of God’s priesthood power through their covenants. We can
also receive priesthood blessings of healing, comfort, and guidance.
What Do the Scriptures Say about the Priesthood?
The priesthood that existed in ancient days is the same that exists now (see Moses
6:7).
Priesthood keys help make sure that we accomplish the Lord’s work in an orderly
way (see Doctrine and Covenants 42:11).
Men who hold the priesthood can use it “only upon the principles of
righteousness” (Doctrine and Covenants 121:36).
Some of the duties of those who hold the priesthood are described in Doctrine and
Covenants 20:38–67.
(Liahona, August 2021, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2021/08/the-priesthood-is-gods-power?lang=eng )
Motivating the Rising Generation
By Wendy Ulrich, PhD
As parents and leaders, we want to help children and youth become lifelong disciples of Jesus Christ who are motivated from within to serve the Lord and fulfill their personal missions.
Children and Youth is a simple but powerful set of resources to help children and youth grow spiritually, socially, physically, and intellectually, as the Savior did (see Luke 2:52). This can happen as they learn and live the gospel of Jesus Christ, participate in meaningful and exciting service and activities, and set and achieve their own goals. Like the parents in the story below, however, we may already feel overburdened without adding someone else’s goals to our list. Or we may worry that our children won’t grow unless pushed.
Alana, 15, sat with her mother, Rachel, scanning a list they had made of potential goals that Alana could work on. Alana’s dad, Jeff, walked by. “Which of these should I do, Dad?” Alana asked.
Jeff looked at his watch, grimacing a little, and glanced at the list. “Um, this one looks easy. How about ‘Memorize a hymn’? You can get that one checked off pretty fast. What else looks easy?”
Rachel jumped in, remembering how reluctant Alana had been to try out for the school track team. “Actually, maybe you need to try something hard! How about something with exercise?” she suggested.
“Ugh,” mumbled Alana, reaching for her phone. “I think I’m done.”
Parents and leaders can do a lot to help children and youth be motivated from within to adopt good values, make good choices, and enjoy both their progress and their accomplishments.
Think of a time when you were highly motivated to work toward a goal. What motivated you? Chances are you saw an opportunity or skill you really wanted or a problem you needed to solve. The example and support of others inspired you to try.
Likewise, children and youth will be more motivated from within when they (1) prayerfully decide what they want (not just what others want for them), (2) create a plan for getting it, (3) aren’t overly influenced by rewards or punishments, and (4) feel parents and leaders are on their side.
Everyone wants something: to make the team, get more sleep, feel less lonely, be closer to God. The Lord and His messengers often ask people, “What do you want?” (see Mark 11:24; 1 Nephi 11:1–2; Alma 18:15; 3 Nephi 27:1–2; Ether 2:23–25). But knowing what we want most, not just what we want right now, takes experience and self-reflection.
As you think of a child or youth you want to help, ask yourself:
How could I introduce them to new experiences, values, and ideas in a context of positive relationships and fun?
Do I let them experience the consequences of poor choices so they want to make better ones?
When can I ask them about what they believe and value? (See the accompanying list, “Helpful Discovery Questions.”)
How can I point out their strengths? (Try: “I see you being really good at ________________. How could you use that to serve the Lord?”)
Once they settle on a goal, youth are often pretty good at figuring out a plan. Younger children may need more ideas. Add your suggestions only when they are stuck. But be excited, not defensive, if they like their ideas better than yours!
To help others create a plan, you could ask:
What’s your goal? (Abstract goals like “Be nicer” are hard to define unless they include specific actions like “Compliment someone every day” or “Apologize when I get mad.”)
Why is this goal important to you? (How will it help them live their values or become more like the Savior?)
Is this a good time to work on this goal? (Why or why not?)
What is a small, easy step you could take to get started? (Remind them that action creates motivation. Help them start, or start again, with something small and simple.)
How could you set things up to support your plan? (Consider creating reminders, posting words of encouragement, making a chart or timetable to track progress, removing temptations, getting the right tools, or asking for help.)
What obstacles might get in your way? How could you handle them? (Help them remember their plan, get curious about what went wrong, practice the hard parts more, try a new strategy, or adjust the goal.)
To help others through setbacks, you could share experiences from your life or family about people facing trials and being resilient. Also try asking:
What have you tried? What else could you try?
Who can help? How can I help?
What ideas come to mind as you pray about this?
Small rewards can help people try something new, make a hard task more fun, or celebrate success. When overdone, however, rewards can actually undermine motivation. People who already enjoy a task will often do it less, not more, if they are paid for doing it, concluding that it isn’t worth doing just for the reward. And while children need to experience the consequences of poor choices, they learn to fear and avoid people who punish them rather than learning to internalize good values.
Of course, people expect to be paid at work, where bonuses or recognition can also provide helpful feedback. But when it comes to living the gospel and achieving personal goals, internal rewards are the most motivating in the long run. Internal rewards include:
Feeling the Spirit.
Feeling connected with parents, leaders, and friends.
Living their values.
Learning, trying new things, and solving problems.
Having fun.
Making a difference for good.
Help young people recognize and value these internal rewards. And occasionally provide a small related reward to celebrate a job well done!
Loving relationships are one of the most important ways to influence others’ values, goals, and motivation. How have people communicated to you that they truly love and cherish you? How do you decide who is safe to be honest with about your mistakes or struggles? If you didn’t really feel loved at home, what do you think you needed that you didn’t get?
Your answers can help you know how to communicate to young people that they are cherished and safe with you.
With practice and heaven’s help, we can help motivate and influence the rising generation.
Alana, 15, sat with her mother, Rachel, scanning a list of goals Alana could work on when Alana’s dad, Jeff, walked by. “Which of these should I do, Dad?” Alana asked.
Jeff looked at his watch, grimacing a little, and glanced at the list. “Um, this one looks easy. How about ‘Memorize a hymn’? You can get that one checked off fast. What else looks easy?”
Jeff paused. Something didn’t feel right, so he took the time to think about what it was.
I’m late, he thought. I just want to get this over with. I’m not very good at this parenting stuff. Hmmm. He looked at his daughter and then realized he felt other feelings too. Hope. Delight. This was not just about checking things off. This was about her growth. And this was a chance to connect with her. A smile spread across his face.
“Let’s stop and think about this,” he said. “What if we each write down what we have felt prompted to work on lately?”
“Um, OK,” said Alana. Rachel found pencils and paper, and they spent a few minutes thinking and writing.
“OK,” said Rachel. “Now what?”
Alana remembered, “I think we’re supposed to pray about it and then choose a goal and make a plan. But Dad, do you really think Heavenly Father cares about what goal I choose?”
Jeff reflected. “You have lots of good ideas, so maybe Heavenly Father just wants you to choose one to start with. But I am absolutely sure of one thing. Heavenly Father cares about you.”
“I know you want to use your gifts to make a difference,” added Rachel, “so if one of these is more important, I’m sure Heavenly Father will help you feel that.”
Alana smiled, then remembered, “President Nelson asked the youth to do a thorough assessment of our lives. Can I go get what I wrote?”
“Sure!” said Jeff, smiling. He looked at his watch again. “Oops, I’ve got to run. Find what you wrote and let’s talk at dinner, OK? I have some questions that might help.”
“Great!” said Alana, smiling. “And, Dad? Mom? Thanks.”
Ensign, Jan 2020, https://abn.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/01/motivating-the-rising-generation?lang=eng
"We are still learning to become ministering brothers and sisters. A change like this can take time, and we will most likely make mistakes. In my mind, one of those mistakes is to dismiss ministering assignments as merely “fake” or “forced” friendship—in a way not normal or natural. But the Lord gives us specific assignments as ministering brothers and sisters. In this way, He ensures that no one is left out.
"When natural disasters strike in the United States, the Red Cross and National Guard organizations mobilize their volunteers and assign them to specific areas to get maximum coverage. Receiving an assignment makes the volunteers’ gift of time and love no less voluntary. No one who has experienced a disaster in his or her life seems to question these assignments. The beneficiaries are grateful that someone has come to help!
"Like volunteers with the National Guard or Red Cross, when we become disciples of Jesus Christ through making sacred covenants, we volunteer to be mobilized in performing specific assignments to help others."
- "Ministering to All," By Elder Richard Neitzel Holzapfel, Area Seventy, Utah Area. Ensign, Dec 2020, p. 26
https://abn.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/12/ministering-to-all?lang=eng
"It is an affront to God to come into His house, especially on His holy day, not groomed and dressed in the most careful and modest manner that our circumstances permit. ...
"...how can God not be pained at the sight of one who, with all the clothes he needs and more and with easy access to the chapel, nevertheless appears in church in rumpled cargo pants and a T-shirt? Ironically, it has been my experience as I travel around the world that members of the Church with the least means somehow find a way to arrive at Sabbath meetings neatly dressed in clean, nice clothes, the best they have, while those who have more than enough are the ones who may appear in casual, even slovenly clothing.
"Some say dress and hair don’t matter—it’s what’s inside that counts. I believe that truly it is what’s inside a person that counts, but that’s what worries me. Casual dress at holy places and events is a message about what is inside a person. It may be pride or rebellion or something else, but at a minimum it says, “I don’t get it. I don’t understand the difference between the sacred and the profane.” In that condition they are easily drawn away from the Lord. They do not appreciate the value of what they have. I worry about them. Unless they can gain some understanding and capture some feeling for sacred things, they are at risk of eventually losing all that matters most. You are Saints of the great latter-day dispensation—look the part."
- D. Todd Christofferson, of the Presidency of the Seventy, "A Sense of the Sacred," BYU Fireside, 7 Nov 2004, https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/d-todd-christofferson/sense-sacred/
"Do the right things every day for the right reasons, and you will be just fine."
- Elder M. Russell Ballard, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, "Follow the Doctrine and Gospel of Christ," BYU Devotional, 7 Nov 2010, https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/m-russell-ballard/follow-the-doctrine-and-gospel-of-christ/
“Family prayer is the greatest deterrent to sin, and hence the most beneficent provider of joy and happiness”
- President Thomas S. Monson, (“Hallmarks of a Happy Home,” Ensign, Nov. 1988, 69). As quoted in https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/bc/content/shared/content/images/gospel-library/manual/PD10052297/manual-page-families_1489734_prt.pdf
“I must testify of the blessings of daily scripture study and prayer and weekly family home evening. These are the very practices that help take away stress, give direction to our lives, and add protection to our homes”
- Sister Linda S. Reeves of the Relief Society general presidency, (“Protection from Pornography—a Christ-Focused Home,” Ensign or Liahona, May 2014, 16–17). As quoted in: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/bc/content/shared/content/images/gospel-library/manual/PD10052297/manual-page-families_1489734_prt.pdf
“Parents, help safeguard your children by arming them morning and night with the power of family prayer. . . . Protect your children from daily worldly influences by fortifying them with the powerful blessings that result from family prayer. Family prayer should be a nonnegotiable priority in your daily life.
“. . . Make [the scriptures] an integral part of everyday life. If you want your children to recognize, understand, and act on the promptings of the Spirit, you must study the scriptures with them. . . . Through daily, consistent scripture study, you will find peace in the turmoil around you and strength to resist temptations. You will develop strong faith in the grace of God and know that through the Atonement of Jesus Christ all will be made right according to God’s timing”
- Elder Richard G. Scott of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles (“Make the Exercise of Faith Your First Priority,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 2014, 93–94).
As quoted in this manual: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/bc/content/shared/content/images/gospel-library/manual/PD10052297/manual-page-families_1489734_prt.pdf
“I am convinced that one of the greatest things that can come into any home to cause the boys and girls in that home to grow up in a love of God, and in a love of the gospel of Jesus Christ, is to have family prayer.”
- President Heber J. Grant, In Conference Report, Oct. 1923, 7., as quoted in "Our Greatest Happiness," The New Era, June 2003, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/new-era/2003/06/our-greatest-happiness?lang=eng
"Understand that it’s not your job to convert people. That is the role of the Holy Ghost. Your role is to share what is in your heart and live consistent with your beliefs."
- Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, "Missionary Work: Sharing What Is in Your Heart," April 2019 General Conference https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2019/04/14uchtdorf?lang=eng
[Copy this whole article when the link works.]
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2021/03/united-states-and-canada-section/making-our-homes-media-safe?lang=eng
“Personal purity is the key to true love. The more pure your thoughts and feelings, your words and actions, the greater your capacity to give and receive true love.”
- Wendy W. Nelson, "Four Truths about Love and Marriage," Ensign, August 2020, page 5
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2020/08/four-truths-about-love-and-marriage?lang=eng
" The spiritual pattern of small and simple things bringing forth great things produces firmness and steadfastness, deepening devotion, and more complete conversion to the Lord Jesus Christ and His gospel."
- Elder David A. Bednar, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Women's Conference 2011, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/church/news/elder-david-a-bednar-teaches-about-the-spiritual-pattern-of-small-and-simple-things?lang=eng
"The temple is the object of every activity, every lesson, every progressive step in the Church. All of our efforts in proclaiming the gospel, perfecting the Saints, and redeeming the dead lead to the holy temple."
- Elder Russell M. Nelson, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Ensign, March 2002, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2002/03/prepare-for-blessings-of-the-temple?lang=eng
The Divine Pattern of Eternal Marriage
By Elder David A. Bednar
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
“Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God” and “is essential to [God’s] eternal plan.”1 This divinely designed pattern of marriage is neither an experiment nor a sociological innovation. Rather, it is a relationship “central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”2
The Apostle Paul taught, “Neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord” (1 Corinthians 11:11). Accordingly, husbands and wives are to “cleave” to each other: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). This commandment for husbands and wives to “cleave” to each other reflects an eternal reality: men and women complement and complete each other in unique ways that enable them individually and as a couple to fulfill their divine potential.
“Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences. The man and the woman contribute differently but equally to a oneness and a unity that can be achieved in no other way. The man completes and perfects the woman and the woman completes and perfects the man as they learn from and mutually strengthen and bless each other.”3 Thus, by divine design, men and women are intended to progress together toward redemption and enduring joy.
Rather than teaching people to pursue their own interests as the way to personal fulfillment, Jesus Christ taught, “For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it” (Matthew 16:25). The divine doctrine of eternal marriage is infused with ennobling and selflessly motivated duties and obligations. The covenant and responsibilities of marriage provide a sacred context within which we gradually turn from self-centeredness and selfishness to selflessness and service. In marriage, we live not exclusively for ourselves but also for our spouses and children and posterity.
“The first commandment that God gave to Adam and Eve pertained to their potential for parenthood as husband and wife. … God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force … [and He] has commanded that the sacred powers of procreation are to be employed only between man and woman, lawfully wedded as husband and wife.
“… The means by which mortal life is created [is] divinely appointed.”4
The sanctity of life is central and essential in God’s eternal plan.
“Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity.”5 Husbands and wives “have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children. … Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, and to teach them to love and serve one another, observe the commandments of God, and be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.”6
In fulfilling their marriage covenant, husbands and wives perform distinct but complementary roles. “A home with a loving and loyal husband and wife is the supreme setting in which children can be reared in love and righteousness and in which the spiritual and physical needs of children can be met. Just as the unique characteristics of both males and females contribute to the completeness of a marriage relationship, so those same characteristics are vital to the rearing, nurturing, and teaching of children.”7
As husbands and wives “lose” their lives in fulfilling these sacred duties of marriage and family, they find themselves—becoming true servants of God and disciples of Jesus Christ.
As President Henry B. Eyring, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, noted at the Vatican: “Where there is selfishness, natural differences of men and women often divide. Where there is unselfishness, differences become complementary and provide opportunities to help and build each other. Spouses and family members can lift each other and ascend together if they care more about the interests of the other than their own interests.”8
Sacred Sacrifice vs. Secular Selfishness
This vision of marriage as a holy order based on enduring covenants, duties, and lifelong sacrifice stands in stark contrast to a modern secular concept of marriage. That worldly formulation has virtually nothing to do with losing your life in service to family or in self-sacrifice for spouse and children.
To the contrary, many in our society today are quickly turning to, as one expert termed it, “a purely private, contractual model of marriage, in which each party has equal and reciprocal rights and duties and in which two parties, of whatever gender or sexual orientation, have full freedom and privacy to form, maintain, and dissolve their relationship as they see fit.”9
This is no less than a full-fledged revolution, transforming marriage from “a social institution with binding claims of its own and with prescribed roles for men and women into a free association, easily entered and easily broken, with a focus on the needs of individuals.”10 This revolution is based on extreme conceptions of personal autonomy and individual rights that elevate one’s own will over God’s will, that opt for personal choice over personal responsibility, and that prioritize the desires of individuals over the needs of spouses and children.
This inordinate focus upon rights without a commensurate concern about obligations and responsibilities has produced the shrill and demanding entitlement we encounter so often in our contemporary world. People clamor constantly for their individual rights, believing that the highest good is unfettered freedom to pursue their narrow self-interests, while failing to understand that the most important reason for the protection of individual rights is to allow us to live dignified lives that are whole and rich with the duties of faith and family.
Increasingly obscured is the truth that our individual rights find their greatest expression and fulfillment as we, without compulsion, align our rights, our choices, and our responsibilities with the will of God. Voluntarily allowing covenant responsibilities to supersede individual interests and rights is the only surrender that leads to victory.11 We frequently need to be reminded about the principle we learned early in life and believed was indelibly established and understood by all good men and women: we receive more when we give than when we take.
Never has a global society placed so much emphasis on the fulfillment of romantic and sexual desires as the highest form of personal autonomy, freedom, and self-actualization. Society has elevated sexual fulfillment to an end in itself rather than as a means to a higher end. In this confusion, millions have lost the truth that God intended sexual desire to be a means to the divine ends of marital unity, the procreation of children, and strong families, not a selfish end in itself.
We are losing the basic understanding that society has a unique and profound interest in marriage because of its power to form a male-female union that is the optimal setting for the bearing and rearing of children—ensuring to the greatest extent possible that every child has an opportunity to know and to be loved and cared for by the mother and father who brought him or her into the world.
No wonder, then, that marriage has become so fragile and transient. Influenced by this increasingly pervasive ideology of self-centeredness and selfishness, men and women too often pursue relationships and marriage focused on their own needs and desires rather than on building stable marital and family relationships. The compulsion to vindicate their freedom, rights, and autonomy overshadows a proper understanding of the enduring commitments, covenants, duties, and sacrifices necessary to build successful marriages and families and to bring lasting joy.
Given this trend, many in our culture could not long resist the call to redefine marriage from the union of man and woman to the union of any two people, regardless of gender. After all, if marriage is little more than a vehicle for advancing personal autonomy and individual rights—rather than a sacred and enduring union between man and woman centered on self-sacrifice and raising a family—then it becomes very hard to deny marriage—any type of marriage—to any couple or group of people that seek it.
Why, the argument goes, should we limit this efficient vehicle of personal rights and individual satisfaction to only a select few? If the ultimate aim is the highest form of self-satisfaction, why should not marriage be open to all in whatever form will most quickly and easily bring that result? Having lost the predicate upon which marriage has always been based, many find it difficult to dispute the conclusion.
But this skewed conception of marriage has serious personal and social consequences.
Personal and Social Consequences
First, it inevitably cankers the souls of those who seek to employ it, leading to heartbreak and despair. There is no long-term joy to be found in selfishness; nor can it be found in exercising one’s individual rights to their fullest extent in order to somehow find “freedom.” Freedom in marriage does not come from doing whatever one wants whenever one wants. Such a course only leads to wanting more and demanding more.
Conversely, peace and joy come from subjecting one’s self in love to the needs of spouse and family, tempering one’s individual needs and desires, and focusing instead on the needs and desires of others. An increasingly cynical and self-absorbed world sees this principle of selflessness as old school and paradoxical. But we know that it is paradisiacal.
Second, this skewed conception of marriage often leads to divorce as people bounce from one relationship to another, desperate to find something that is elusive because it does not exist: a relationship that will afford people ultimate freedom, ultimate self-fulfillment, and ultimate happiness—all without their having to give anything from within themselves. The relationship sought is no relationship at all because selfishness is by definition singular.
This view inevitably leaves in its wake traumatized children who needed the rich and committed soil of selfless and dedicated parents in which to sink their roots, abandoned because a father or mother has determined that he or she just is not being “true to himself or herself” by remaining in a marriage that he or she selfishly perceives is no longer serving his or her own interests or orientation. Ironically—and tragically—the freedom and personal autonomy they seek will, in the end, leave them bound by chains of isolation, loneliness, and deep regret.
Third, and perhaps worst of all, increasing numbers of people are giving up on the very idea of marriage, believing that relationships are inherently unstable and transitory, thereby avoiding in their view the unnecessary commitments of formal marriage and pain of the inevitable divorce. Millions of children are being born into situations where they cannot experience the true nature and purpose of marriage and stable family life. Those children find it doubly hard to enter into the divinely designed pattern of marriage because they have never seen an example of what such a marriage should be.
Thus, the vicious circle repeats itself, taking with it the innocent who would have thrived in the relationship marriage was always intended to be. And as the residual societal stability is eroded that was created in the strong marriages and families of previous generations, the prospects for our future grow ever more uncertain and even bleak.
We certainly recognize that all marriages are not perfect, any more than those who defend traditional marriage are perfect. Regrettably, some children and spouses who are in traditional marriages experience only disappointment and heartache. But these sad outcomes do not occur because the principles of true marriage are in error; rather, failure occurs when we do not live up to those true principles and the serious marriage covenants into which we have entered.
One of the great tasks of our time—one on which diverse faith communities should be united—is to help people understand the true meaning and purpose of marriage. All people, especially the rising generation, need a vision of the richness of family life and its potential for developing the highest and best in each of us. In an age of increasing selfishness, we must highlight marriage’s capacity to lift men and women beyond their narrow self-interests to the joys that come from dedicating one’s life to a higher and holy purpose.
Rich Blessings
In truth, the building of stable marriages and families is part of the hard work of a meaningful life. There are spouses and children who struggle, sorrows and disappointments, and illness and death. But marriage affords unique opportunities for some of the richest blessings of life, such as:
Finding deep meaning in the complementary roles of husband and wife, father and mother, and experiencing the profound unity that can come only from marriage.
Learning to sacrifice for a higher cause.
Seeing our own faces in our newborn child, who embodies our shared love, faith, and hopes.
Establishing family patterns and traditions that give meaning to the ordinary tasks of life.
Cultivating faith in our children and watching it blossom and grow.
Imparting our knowledge and wisdom to our children and then striving to be an example to them of the highest and best in life.
Rejoicing with children who honor their parents and carry on their name, and weeping with those who struggle.
Helping with grandchildren, as the ever-widening circle of life and family continues.
In marriage and family life, we learn and grow together as God intended. In our families we cannot hide from who we really are as we strive to become who we are destined to become. In essence, a family is the mirror that helps us become aware of imperfections and flaws we may not be able or want to acknowledge. No one knows us better than a spouse and the other members of our family. Thus, the family is the ultimate mortal laboratory for the improving and perfecting of God’s children.12
In marriage and family, we can experience profound loyalty, pure love, and consummate joy. We learn in a deeply personal way about God’s love for each of us.
To paraphrase what Jesus Christ taught, as we lose ourselves in service to spouse and family, we find our true selves (see Matthew 16:25). Every day we become more of who He wants us to become. And that is the source of enduring joy and true self-fulfillment.
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1.
“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Ensign, May 2017, 145.
2.
“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” 145.
3.
David A. Bednar, “Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan,” Ensign, June 2006, 83–84.
4.
“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” 145.
5.
“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” 145.
6.
“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” 145.
7.
David A. Bednar, “Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan,” 84.
8.
Henry B. Eyring, “Renaissance of Marriage: To Become as One” (address given at The Complementarity of Man and Woman: An International Interreligious Colloquium, Vatican City, Rome, Nov. 18, 2014), ChurchofJesusChrist.org.
9.
John Witte Jr., “A New Concordance of Discordant Canons: Harold J. Berman on Law and Religion,” in The Integrative Jurisprudence of Harold J. Berman, ed. Howard O. Hunter (1996), 127.
10.
Allan W. Carlson, “The Judicial Assault on the Family,” in The Most Dangerous Branch: The Judicial Assault on American Culture, ed. Edward B. McLean (2008), 62.
11.
See Neal A. Maxwell, “Plow in Hope,” Ensign, May 2001, 60.
12.
See David A. Bednar, “Arise and Shine Forth” (Brigham Young University–Idaho Education Week devotional, June 28, 2003), web.byui.edu/devotionalsandspeeches.
"As we extend our hands and hearts toward others in Christlike love, something wonderful happens to us. Our own spirits become healed, more refined, and stronger. We become happier, more peaceful, and more receptive to the whisperings of the Holy Spirit."
- Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, General Conference, April 2010
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2010/04/you-are-my-hands?lang=eng
