“What counsel do you have for fathers?”

Recently, I joined several Church leaders in recording a multistake conference broadcast to our members in Chile—73 stakes. Elder D. Todd Christofferson’s talk had an important message about fathers, which I share with my strong endorsement:

“Unfortunately, in some homes it is always the wife and mother who has to suggest—even sometimes plead—that the family gather for prayer or for home evening. This should not be. The women in our lives have the right to look to their husbands to assume their duty and to take the lead. A husband should counsel continually with his wife about the welfare of each of their children. … Most sisters are willing and eager to counsel with their husbands and can provide many helpful insights and recommendations, but it will be easier for them if their husband takes the initiative to talk with them and to plan together.”

Brethren, rise up to your responsibilities to lead your families in righteousness.

- President Dallin H. Oaks, First Counselor in the First Presidency, "Answers to Seven Questions from Young Married Adults," Ensign, June 2020, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/06/young-adults/answers-to-seven-questions-from-young-married-adults?lang=eng

D. Todd Christofferson, “To the Brethren of the Priesthood: Your Spiritual Leadership,” Chile multistake conference address, Aug. 26, 2018.

"There is no other relationship quite like that which can and should exist between a boy and his dad."


- M. Russell Ballard, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, "Fathers and Sons: A Remarkable Relationship," General Conference, Oct 2009

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/fathers-and-sons-a-remarkable-relationship?lang=eng

Approach children with reason, with persuasion and love unfeigned

"Fathers, if you wish your children to be taught in the principles of the gospel, if you wish them to love the truth and understand it, if you wish them to be obedient to and united with you, love them! and prove to them that you do love them by your every word or act to them. For your own sake, for the love that should exist between you and your boys—however wayward they might be, or one or the other might be, when you speak or talk to them, do it not in anger, do it not harshly, in a condemning spirit. Speak to them kindly; get them down and weep with them if necessary and get them to shed tears with you if possible. Soften their hearts; get them to feel tenderly toward you. Use no lash and no violence, but … approach them with reason, with persuasion and love unfeigned."

- Joseph F. Smith, Teachings of Presidents of the Church: Joseph F. Smith, (2011), 249–55
http://www.lds.org/manual/teachings-joseph-f-smith/chapter-28?lang=eng

"A worthy man is given the priesthood so he can preside in the home and bless his family. It is the father’s responsibility to gather the family together for family home evening and for family councils. When we join together, we develop greater love for each other as we share our testimonies and experiences. Fathers should also have prayerful, periodic interviews with each of their children. As the father listens with love, both father and child will be richly rewarded."

- Yasuo Niiyama, Area Authority Seventy Asia North Area, "Presiding Righteously in the Home," Ensign, Feb 2004, p. 25
http://www.lds.org/ensign/2004/02/presiding-righteously-in-the-home?lang=eng

The way we treat our wives could well have the greatest impact on the character of our sons

"Considering everything else that we do, the way we treat our wives could well have the greatest impact on the character of our sons. If a father is guilty of inflicting verbal or physical abuse in any degree on his companion, his sons will resent him for it, perhaps even despise him for it. But interestingly enough, when they are grown and marry, they are likely to follow the same pattern of abuse with their wives. There is an urgent need in our society for fathers who respect their wives and treat them with sweet, tender love."

- Elder F. Melvin Hammond, Of the Seventy, "Dad, Are You Awake?," Ensign, Nov 2002, p. 98
http://www.lds.org/ensign/2002/11/dad-are-you-awake?lang=eng

"Fathers, not only do you have the right to know the worthiness of your children, you have the responsibility. It is your duty to know how your children are doing with regards to their spiritual well-being and progression. You need to monitor carefully the issues and concerns they share with you. Ask specific questions of your children regarding their worthiness, and refuse to settle for anything less than specific answers."

- Elder M. Russell Ballard, Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, "The Greatest Generation of Missionaries," General Conference, Oct 2002
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2002/10/the-greatest-generation-of-missionaries?lang=eng

"Nothing compares with a father who is responsible and in turn teaches his children responsibility. Nothing compares with a mother who is present with them to comfort them and give them assurance. Love, protection, and tenderness are all of consummate worth."

- - Pres. Boyd K. Packer, Acting President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, "Children," Ensign, May 2002, p. 8
http://www.lds.org/ensign/2002/05/children?lang=eng

We must work at our responsibility as parents as if everything in life counted on it, because in fact everything in life does count on it

"My brothers and sisters, we must work at our responsibility as parents as if everything in life counted on it, because in fact everything in life does count on it.

"If we fail in our homes, we fail in our lives. No man is truly successful who has failed in his home. I ask you men, particularly, to pause and take stock of yourselves as husbands and fathers and heads of households. Pray for guidance, for help, for direction, and then follow the whisperings of the Spirit to guide you in the most serious of all responsibilities, for the consequences of your leadership in your home will be eternal and everlasting."

- Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley, President of the Church, "Each a Better Person," Ensign, Nov 2002, p. 100
http://www.lds.org/ensign/2002/11/each-a-better-person?lang=eng

Every father in the Church should function as the patriarch of his home

"Every father in the Church should function as the patriarch of his home. He should take the lead in spiritually guiding the family. He ought not to delegate nor abrogate his responsibilities to the mother. He should call for family prayer, family home evening, scripture reading, and occasional father interviews. He is the protector, the defender, and the kindly source of discipline. It is the father who should lead, unify, and solidify the family unit by accepting the priesthood of God and responding to the calls and privileges associated with priesthood authority. His relationship with God and His Son, Jesus Christ, is one of the beacons which will lead his sons and daughters through the stormy shoals of life.

"If Dad is a true disciple of Jesus Christ, then the sons will follow him as the night the day. "

- Elder F. Melvin Hammond, Of the Seventy, "Dad, Are You Awake?," Ensign, Nov 2002, p. 98
http://www.lds.org/ensign/2002/11/dad-are-you-awake?lang=eng

Fathers should help with nurturing

"On a day-to-day basis, fathers can and should help with the essential nurturing and bonding associated with feeding, playing, storytelling, loving, and all the rest of the activities that make up family life."

- Elder M. Russell Ballard, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, Ensign, Mar 2006
http://www.lds.org/ensign/2006/03/the-sacred-responsibilities-of-parenthood